If you want to weed out the time-wasters while making yourself irresistible to the RIGHT man, in the beginning of a new romance it’s important to let men dominate the initiations of contact and set the pace of the courtship. This is the surest method for ensuring that a man is actually interested in getting to know you better without you having to lose sleep wondering if he really likes you or not. I cannot stress this enough.
But how does this look in practice?
Well, in the beginning stages, simply allow Mr. McDreamy to make plans to see you for at least three dates. I mean three REAL dates, not Netflix and “chill” dates. During this period, simply be receptive and open to his invitations to spend time together. And after each date, let him get in touch with you first.
You can tell him how much fun you had and that you’d like to see him again, but only AFTER he’s already gotten in touch with you. But even then, don’t be the one to make concrete plans. Let him pursue you. The more a guy is interested the more he will go out of his way to show it.
Yes, using this method will cause some men to lose interest…but you don’t want those men. You want the ones who want you bad enough to go for it.
After the fourth date you should have had enough experience with him to “feel him out” so to speak. From this point on, you can initiate more conversations with him, but still…do not dominate the initiations of contact.
Also, it’s okay to spend time with him when you want so long as you’re not cancelling your priorities or sacrificing your passions, friendships, etc. just to make room for him. Let him work his way into your schedule. This doesn’t mean that you have to make him jump through hoops. All you’re doing is NOT removing the obstacles already in his way. That’s his job, not yours. Let him figure out his own way into your most private charms and revelries.
For example, let’s say he wants to see you on Saturday night but the season finale of your favorite show is scheduled to come on and you promised to spend that time watching it while doing your nails. If you really wanted to spend Saturday night taking care of yourself, do it. Just tell him that you’re busy (and if he pushes for an explanation, just be coy and playful and tell him that it’s private and “for girls only”). But ensure that you inform him that you’re available at a later date so that he doesn’t think you’re blowing him off.
Did this example make you think “but what if he doesn’t ask me out again”? If it did, you’ve already given him WAY too much importance.
He’s a new guy, you don’t know or owe him anything and you already promised yourself that Saturday night was YOUR night. The season finale is important to you and your nails/hair/legs are in desperate need of some love and attention. You’re not being mean, selfish, or closed off to a life of love by not agreeing to Saturday night, you’re simply following through on a commitment you’ve already made, even if that commitment is something as simple as a date with yourself.
The thing is, you have to value yourself highly if you want a man to do the same. I cannot stress this enough. That’s why I used this seemingly “selfish” example. I’ve come to learn that most women give up everything in their lives way too quickly when a new guy takes an interest in them.
Don’t be like most women.
A man needs time-sensitive problems to solve. Thus, trying to make himself the top priority of woman who, because of her self-possession, appears as if she has options is a problem a man enjoys having. Read that again.
Of course, I’d love to tell you to just “go with the flow” when it comes to initiating contact and cultivating relationships with men, but I know for a fact that infatuation makes us all prone to errors in judgment. So instead of “going with the flow”, when a man takes a romantic interest in you I suggest you follow his lead at a pace that is most comfortable with you. This will stop you from coming on too strong and thus, scaring him away.
When it comes to deepening the relationship, if he takes a step toward you, you wait. When he takes two steps toward you, you take ONE step toward him in building the relationship. Or put another way, if you two were building a house by hand, when he lays two bricks, you lay one. You do this until the home is built – the home being an exclusive relationship. This sort of approach works with men because it will weed out the guys who don’t really want you and make the ones who do want you want you even MORE.