How to Stand Your Ground and Communicate Your Limits (while Increasing His Desire)

Lesson 1

The best way to stand your ground and communicate your limits with men is to be firm but gracious. Never be afraid to enforce your personal boundaries with a man, as it will subconsciously communicate to him that you are a high-value woman, one who has standards and reasonable expectations. Women who can confidently tell a man what they want and don’t want are rare and therefore VERY sought after.

I’ve come to learn that what most women fear is expressing their boundaries in a way that causes a man to lose interest, withdraw, or become completely turned off. Don’t worry about this. The men who won’t be turned off by your limits are the ones who will cherish you the most. Also, if you’re worried about coming across as being “too demanding” or “not interested enough”, try to use the firm but flirtatious technique.

If you must express your limitations or outright reject a man’s advances, simply state how you feel but use a bit of flirting to pique his intrigue. For example, if a man is trying to be too sexually forward with you, it’s one thing to tell him, “No, I’m not ready,” and another thing to tell him “Listen, I like you…a lot. I mean…you make me feel things I’ve never felt for any man before. But I’m not ready for this yet. I hope you understand.”

Did you see the difference there? The first boundary setting is perfectly fine, but it won’t make his mind burn with anticipation and excitement like the second one. By using the firm and flirty technique you’ll communicate your limits and make him desperate to see you again all at the same time.

So remember, if you’re worried about losing his interest, just remember to be firm and flirtatious regarding his presumptuous romantic advances. Men don’t mind being rejected once it’s done with grace and a respect for their ego.

Certain situations won’t call for a firm and flirty response. Sometimes you might just need to be firm. In cases where a man is unknowingly (or knowingly) disrespecting you or taking you for granted – you need to be firm. Let him know where he stands with you and make it clear that YOU don’t like or appreciate the way you’re being treated. Just ensure that you own your feelings and don’t cast blame. For example, saying “You never take me out anymore, you don’t care about me do you?” is casting blame and won’t win you any awards with men. Instead, say, “I feel as if I’m not a priority to you anymore. I really enjoy it when you take me dancing or to dinner. I’d really like it if we did something fun this weekend!”

See the difference?

The first response will make him feel inadequate and might even cause him to pull away from you, as he’ll begin to think that he’s incapable of making you happy. The second response is that of an emotionally mature woman who takes responsibility for her own feelings rather than casting blame on her man. She also communicates her high-value by being specific about what she needs from her guy in order to be happy in the relationship.

Don’t be misled into thinking that men will find you too difficult if you enforce your boundaries or express your relationship needs. We WANT to make you happy, and the more clear and courteous you are with us about what makes you happy, the happier we are about making you happy.

Communicating your limits and relationship needs in a way that men perceive as being “high-value” is crucial to keeping a man interested for the long-term. So don’t worry about turning men off with your needs and expectations (assuming they’re reasonable). Remember, you’re more likely to lose a guy’s interest if you DON’T enforce your personal boundaries. And keep in mind that a man is also less likely to pull away from you so long as you express your discontent in a way that doesn’t make him feel totally responsible for your happiness.

In the next lesson, I discuss one of the main reasons why men pull away, withdraw emotionally, or stop “chasing” you after they’ve finally “caught” you in a relationship. So stay tuned!