How to Meet More High-Quality Men

Lesson 6

I think we can agree that modern life can be extremely hectic for today’s women. Whether you’re a soon-to-be college undergrad or a single mother/senior manager with a side hustle, you’ve probably felt the stress that comes with trying to maintain some semblance of balance in your life. And because of all the people, jobs, and responsibilities clamoring for your attention, you may even feel as if finding Mr. Right has more to do with chance and luck.

Well, to be brutally honest with you…it partially does.

In order to increase your “chances” and “luckiness” in finding a SUITABLE partner to share your life with, you need to consider something called propinquity. In social psychology, propinquity or “nearness/proximity” is one of the major factors that determine interpersonal interaction. This means that “like attracts like” and that you’re far more likely to end up in a relationship with someone based predominantly on convenience and accessibility.

Often, our closest relationships are formed because of our constant exposure to others in a shared environment. This is also true for romantic relationships as well, since occupational propinquity tends to play a major role in marriage selection.

This is why finding Mr. Right is based mainly on what you’re looking for in a long-term mate. For instance, if you want a highly disciplined fitness buff, hitting the gym at five A.M. or joining an early morning jogging/aerobics class places you on the radar of guys who have the resilience to stick to such a disciplined lifestyle. Also, taking part in weekly outdoorsy activities and social events where men like this tend to congregate will allow you to be in the right place at the right time for meeting more interested men.

Another example. Let’s say you want to date more family-oriented men who are community-minded and highly invested in their various social ties. To accomplish this, you’re more likely to find success by taking advantage of your various social networks and having them make suggestions of guys to date based on the men they know, like, and trust. Also, when your girlfriend invites you to her family reunion or her cousin’s wedding…GO. When your sister is desperate for company and wants you to accompany her to her husband’s award ceremony…GO. When your close co-worker invites you to her son’s softball games in the hopes that you’ll catch the eye of one of the single dads…GO.

Grab these opportunities by the horns when they come because you’ll never know if a future Mr. Right saw you that ONE time and has since been asking your girlfriend/sister/co-worker about you. Family-oriented men sometimes prefer dating a woman they met through a friend or family member since they can get an insider’s opinion on her reputation, character, and lifestyle.

Now, if you’re really ambitious and confident in what you’re bringing to the table, you may want to date a wealthy man or at least one with high-income potential. Although such men are understandably in high-demand, you can place the odds in your favor by maximizing propinquity.

A great example of this comes from the late Thomas J. Stanley’s book, The Millionaire Mind. In the chapter on how “Choice Of Spouse” plays a major role in socioeconomic success, he gives a short anecdote about one of his undergrad students, a young woman named, Lisa. Before she could attend grad school, Lisa attracted a young doctor who was in his last year of medical school and subsequently married him. Lisa’s Plan A was always to find her Mr. Right (a doctor) at University. If that didn’t work, she’d fall back on her Plan B, which was to finish University with a graduate degree. As advised by her wise mother, Lisa was told that if she truly wished to marry a doctor she should spend her nights diligently studying in her University’s medical school library. Lisa followed her mother’s advice and thus spent her nights studying in this library. Naturally, her goal (to marry a doctor) was made more probable by propinquity, as the environment she consistently placed herself in helped her to meet her Mr. Right. Unsurprisingly, her diligence paid off, as she eventually met her dream guy and got engaged after a short period of dating.

Now, these are all simple examples to be sure, but the common sense advice should not be overlooked. If you want a certain kind of man you have to consistently place yourself in his environment. And more importantly, if you want a highly compatible man, one who’s less likely to pull away and disappear on you, you need to maximize propinquity.

Don’t leave your love life to blind chance. Put the odds a little more in your favor by proactively (and consistently) placing yourself in situations and environments that have the duel benefit of expanding your social circle while putting you within reach of the kinds of men you really want to meet.