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Lesson 22
One of the most powerful communication techniques I’ve ever come across is called active listening. I first heard about it in a phenomenal book by best-selling author, the late Stephen Covey called, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Applied to communicating with a man, the skill of active listening is all about empathizing with your man and getting him to realize that you do empathize with him. It’s the meaning behind the slang term, “Do you feel me?” When a man feels that you understand him, he drops all his defenses and communication flows effortlessly.
Most people communicate by “waiting to speak.” They fill their mind with what they want to say to the other person instead of clearing their mind of their own thoughts to leave room to truly listen to what the other person is saying. The act of active listening requires you to listen attentively, then paraphrase and reflect on what he says while acknowledging how he feels without judgment or advice. Read that last sentence again.
Let’s look at an example of this in action.
Let’s say he comes to see you after work and during conversation says, “You know, I really hate my job. I feel like a useless cog in a machine, and it’s starting to get to me.” Don’t say, “Maybe you should look for another job”, that’s you giving common sense advice he could have gotten from his guy friends. Don’t even say something like, “Well, no use complaining about it. I told you working for that company was going to be a waste of time.” That’s being judgmental, and quite annoying to add. Instead, follow up with something like, “Your job stresses you out and you don’t feel like you’re utilizing your true potential.” This response will get him to agree with you because you understand how he feels. He’ll keep talking until: 1. He chooses to talk about a solution, or 2. He realizes that he’s just having a bad week, etc. and feels relieved to talk about it.
Another example, let’s say you’re out on a date with a guy and he begins talking about some recent life changes. While making occasional eye contact, smiling, and nodding every now and then (all good conversational body language skills, by the way), when it’s your turn to speak, before changing the subject or saying something relatable about yourself, try summarizing what he just said in a way that makes him feel validated. For example, if he says, “…I mean, it’s been tough adjusting to a city this size, you know? People aren’t as friendly as they were back where I’m from”, don’t respond with, “Oh trust me, just give it some time and you’ll love it! Maybe you just need to make a few more good friends or…” Please don’t do this. I know it sounds like an “okay” response, but if a guy is comfortable enough with you to admit, even in passing, that something is “tough” for him, don’t jump at the chance to help him solve his problem or “fix him” in some way.
What you want to do instead is focus on making an emotional connection with him. So instead of offering up an opinion or solution, you should respond with something like, “Sounds like you prefer the more intimate vibe of a small town. I can understand that.” Now, if you really become a master at active listening, you can even add in a kind and sincere compliment to show him that you’re not only listening, but that you admire him as well. Something like, “Sounds like you prefer the more intimate vibe of a small town. I can understand that. It couldn’t have been easy to move here on your own. I think it’s brave.”
THAT right there, that kind of sweet, kind, and understanding response will melt his heart, blow his mind, and make him stare at you as if he’d just discovered a hidden gem among women.
Responses like these will make him feel an undeniable emotional connection to you. It will cause him to light up, loosen up, and make him think: “Wow, she really gets me! Where has she been all my life? This date is going so well…she seems really interested. I hope I don’t mess this up. I mean, look at her! She’s gorgeous, smart, and those eyes… Shoot, she just caught me staring at her! Get out of your head, Jerry! Abort, abort…”
While these are admittedly simple examples, they should be enough to get you started on the right path. I’d advise really studying this form of communication because it can improve EVERY area of your life. Also, keep in mind that while it might take a lifetime to master, the art of active listening is easy to implement, and the benefits of doing so far outweigh the “inconvenience” of learning how to apply it.
I suggest that you find creative ways to implement this insanely simple communication technique when interacting with men, as it has the power to take your romantic relationships from mediocre to spectacular in a surprisingly short amount of time.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my best-selling book, Texts So Good He Can't Ignore. In it, you'll discover how to text a man to finally get him OFF of his smartphone and ON more dates with you.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my best-selling book, Never Chase Men Again. In it, you'll discover exactly how to keep a man interested in you without playing games or becoming his doormat.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my best-selling book, He's Not That Interested, He's Just Passing Time. In it, you'll discover the hidden behaviours that reveal if a man wants you for a lifetime or only for the moment.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, How To Get A Man Without Getting Played. In it, you'll discover the seduction secrets and "man-catching" dating habits used by high-value women.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, Make Him BEG For Your Attention. In it, you'll discover how to communicate with a man so that he listens to you, opens up to you, and deeply craves your attention.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want In A Woman. In it, you'll discover the feminine qualities that commitment ready, high-quality men secretly look for when choosing a long-term mate.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, 101 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Men. In it, you'll discover how to make a man fall in love with you for keeps by becoming the only woman that truly "gets him."
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, Dating Deal Breakers That Drive Men Away. In it, you'll discover the most common (and hardly known) relationship-killers that cause men to quickly lose interest, pull away, and disappear.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, Send Him A Signal. In it, you'll discover how to meet and attract higher quality men by sending them the RIGHT signals and becoming more approachable.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, 101 Reasons Why He Won't Commit. In it, you'll discover the most common fears, doubts, and insecurities that paralyze men and prevent them from making the leap from boyfriend to husband.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my book, Never Get Ghosted Again. In it, you'll discover the secret reasons why men lose interest and how to deal with guys who won't commit.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon.
By the way, if you'd like to learn more about men and dating, check out my best-selling book, Keep Calm And Cut Him Off. In it, you'll discover the importance of silence after a breakup or rejection, how it benefits you, and the powerful influence it has on a man.
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon, and discover how silence can help you reclaim your power after a breakup or quickly bounce back from male rejection.
By the way, my latest book, First Date Moves Men Can’t Resist, is now available on Amazon, and with it you’re going to learn how to maximize your feminine energy on dates so that you can spark more chemistry and create deeper emotional attraction with men you genuinely want to see again (and maybe even fall in love with).
Click Here now to check it out on Amazon, and discover how to captivate your date and make him BEG to see you again.