Lesson 15
If you’re not flirting physically with men, you are most definitely missing out. Learning how to touch a man in the right place and at the right time is a great way to display your interest in him or to escalate the attraction that has already been established. Flirtatiously touching a man who already finds you attractive will send chills up his spine (the good kind), and for a while, it will make it impossible for him to think about anything else except you. It will make the adrenaline rush throughout his body, and he’ll soon find himself thinking of creative ways to get as close to you as often as possible.
Using your feminine wiles to flirt with men is vitally important as it allows you to remain both passive and proactive at the same time. Flirting is passive in that you’re not blatantly pursuing a man’s romantic interest. And it’s proactive because it allows you to passively invite a man to take the initiative. Flirting, especially physical flirting is a powerful way to get what you want while making a man think it was all his idea.
Here are a few physical flirting ideas that can be quite effective depending on the situation and the context of your relationship with a guy:
- During casual conversation with a man lean in to him, smile, and touch him on the arm from time to time. Let your touch linger a second or two (or three), then pull back and continue talking. Find a good rhythm as you do so and try to make it look as natural and effortless as possible. The thing is, as you converse with a man, softly touching his arm while maintaining good eye contact is an excellent way to casually engage his emotions. I’ve noticed that EVERY woman who’s ever done this to me always exuded a kind of warm, friendly, fun, and almost overwhelming feminine energy that simply could not be ignored.
- When a guy says something funny or teasing to you, slap him softly on his arm or chest as you laugh. This may seem awkward at first if you’re not used to casually touching men while talking. But if you’ve always wanted to be better at creating chemistry with men, touching a man as you smile and laugh is as fundamental as it gets.
- Grab his forearm and tug on it gently when you have something exciting to show or say to him. The more excited you are the more enthusiasm you’ll broadcast in your eyes and with your touch. Remember, before a man gets acquainted with your character (who you are on the inside), the most important thing to him aside from your physical beauty is how you make him feel. I can’t stress this enough. Tugging his forearm and smiling eagerly as you talk about something exciting or lead him towards something you’re passionate about is a great way to stimulate his emotions and invigorate him. He’ll feel like the manliest man in the world, and if you didn’t know by now, men LOVE being around women that make them feel even more manly.
- Listen for cues in his conversation and use them as free opportunities to touch him. For example, if he tells you about his shoulder being sore from some recreational activity, very lightly (almost feather-like) massage the area for a few fleeting seconds and say something like, “Oh, you poor thing. Does this happen often?” It may seem cheesy, but most guys will eat it up. Try it.
- Look for opportunities for “happy accidental touching” when you’re on a date with a guy or simply just hanging out with an attractive acquaintance. If you’re particularly clever, you may even be able to create these opportunities for yourself. Happy accidental touching happens when you end up making physical contact by coincidence. But what really sells it is how you handle the “coincidental” touching. For example, if your hands “accidentally” touch his when you both reach for something at the same time, simply smile and let it linger for a moment before politely saying, “excuse me.” Another example, if you find yourself moving through a small space at the same time which makes brushing your body against his inevitable, again, flash a playful grin at him as you coyly say “excuse me.” Believe me, one “happy accidental touch” from an attractive woman will excite a man beyond comprehension.
- If you have a guy friend or close acquaintance that you want to send a signal to, assuming you’re seated, get in close to him and let your legs touch his own. Don’t move them when you make contact. Instead, let the contact linger indefinitely. If he’s even remotely interested in you, your guy friend will be unable to think straight knowing that you’re comfortable letting your scrumptious legs rest on his.
- For a more bold variation of the tip above, if you’re hanging out with a guy and you want to really get his blood pumping AND make his mind race with curiosity all at once, playfully drape your legs across his lap while sitting near one another. Naturally, this will only work if you’re sitting on a couch, on the ground, or a similar type of seating arrangement. This particular technique is especially useful if you’re already good friends with a guy and confident about his interest in you.
Now, don’t become intimidated by these techniques if you think you’re going to look awkward doing them. Practice makes perfect. Flirting is a skill and thus, can be learned. So don’t be afraid to stretch yourself to get the man you want. (By the way, you can find more tips on sending men subtle and seductive “come get me” signals in my book, Send Him A Signal.)
Also, don’t worry about offending a guy when you touch him playfully. MOST guys have little to no reservations when it comes to being touched by the opposite sex. And for the guys that do find it weird when a female friend or familiar female acquaintance initiates physical flirting…they simply don’t matter, so don’t worry about them. You don’t want to be with a man who cowers or cringes when you brush your fingers against his forearm, right? Of course you don’t.
So as long as you’re not doing anything weird and out of place (random back-rubs on the job or playing footsies at church for example), most guys aren’t going to freak out and call you a creep if you playfully touch them. And unless he’s already married or in a committed relationship, a little playful, flirtatious touching is sure to make any man’s day, even if it turns out he’s not interested.