Lesson 21
If you’ve already had a heart-to-heart conversation with your guy about your needs and it still hasn’t led to a commitment from him, it’s time to modify your behavior. If he still seems “on the fence” about you and acts as if he really wants you but doesn’t want to commit to something serious just yet (if ever), the best thing you can do for your own sanity and self-respect is to “create space” and distance between you and him. It has to be the kind of space and distance he can FEEL, so that he can think clearly about what he wants or doesn’t want.
When you give him this space, ensure that you don’t use passive-aggressive communication techniques to get his attention or to guilt trip him into being with you. Let him see that you love and respect yourself too much to endure a man’s indecisiveness and that you want him to figure out what he really wants…even if what he wants isn’t you.
A great way to communicate your high-value is to let him know that although you love being with him and want him in your life, you’re not willing to endure his company if he isn’t as sold on you as you are on him. Express to him that while you want him to figure out what he wants, you can’t promise that you’ll be there when he finally does.
Of course, when you say something like this you must keep your distance. The best way to do this is to prioritize spending time with your friends and family AND by being unresponsive to his communication attempts and date requests. Don’t let him siphon away your time and energy with random texts and phone calls or offers to go out. You have a better chance at reigniting his interest by simply ignoring him until he begs to see you again to “talk things out” in hopes of getting another chance. Of course, it will be up to you to figure out if he’s only going to waste more of your time or if he’s miserable without you and wants you in his life indefinitely. This sort of outcome will only come about once a man realizes that your “presence” in his life is quickly deteriorating and that you could possibly be gone for GOOD.
Which leads me to my next point…
To really cement the idea in his mind that you’re not an “on-the-fence” kind of girl and that you might slip away from him forever, be open and willing to meet and date OTHER MEN. I cannot stress this enough. Be open to meeting other guys with the hope and intention of finding someone who truly wants to be with you. Don’t merely meet other men as a means to make him jealous or to bide your time until this guy finally comes around. Be genuine about meeting other men and exploring the romantic possibilities that currently surround you.
Lastly, never let a man’s indecisiveness about being with you cause you to feel as if you’re “not enough” to make him (or any other man) happy. Don’t internalize his issues. Your time and love are valuable, so focus on attracting the right relationship with a willing man than just the rightness of the man himself. The right man is the one who wants you all to himself; so love the man who not only loves you, but who also loves showing it to the world through his commitment.