The Irresistible Quality that Keeps Him Focused On You

Lesson 7

Did you know that a man’s desire for you will actually grow in your absence? Many women don’t like hearing this and even more cannot accept this because it’s just the opposite for women. In general, a woman’s desire for her man tends to increase when she’s with him. But men feel especially drawn to a woman when she maintains a cheerful independence that makes her appear non-needy, and therefore, irresistible.

Remember, it’s impossible to maintain a romantic attraction for something that always NEEDS you for its well-being or survival; this is nature’s design at work. Anything that needs you makes you feel the burden of responsibility (like being a parent), and the burden of responsibility is an effective passion-killer for any relationship (which is obviously a good thing for raising children). Therefore, maintaining a cheerful life outside of your growing romance is vitally important to keeping a man engaged and excited to be with you. Doing so will keep him from feeling things like “obligation” and “responsibility” regarding the relationship.

When you have passions, hobbies, pursuits, recreations, and friends that you can enjoy whether or not you’re in a relationship, this subconsciously tells a man that you are capable of meeting your own “happiness” needs. Once a man realizes that your most basic level of happiness is not reliant on him and him alone, he won’t feel burdened to be your “pillar of joy” so to speak. And the less responsible he feels for your joy and fulfillment the easier it will be for him to connect with you emotionally.

Now, here’s where maintaining a life of your own REALLY pays off. You can tell just how much a guy is interested in you by how willing and enthusiastic he is to experience the private things that bring YOU joy and fulfillment. This means you can gain a lot of information about your level of importance to a man simply by inviting him into your “private world” every so often. And as you invite him in, pay special attention to his willingness to join you, his excitement while with you, and his appreciation for the opportunity. Naturally, not EVERY activity will spark his interest, but he’ll at least be happy to watch you shine in your element.

Which brings me to my next point…

Another thing to consider is that the man who’s truly interested in you will love seeing you blissfully engaged in the things you love most. What this means is that seeing you at your best or in your element makes us want you even more. When we get to watch you shine from a distance as you engage in something you’re passionate and confident about, it increases your value as a long-term romantic partner.

Lastly, having things in your life that you do without him grants him the space he needs to miss you. As I already mentioned in an earlier lesson (I hope you read it!), one of the main reasons men pull away in relationships (even seemingly “perfect” relationships) is due to their need to reconnect with their masculine identity. And even though this is a very normal aspect of male courtship behavior, most women still end up feeling confused, anxious, frustrated, and even desperate when their Prince Charming begins to withdraw.

In order to keep your peace of mind you must remember that once a man pulls away far enough, his desire for his woman will eventually be replenished. This will cause him to crave her once again and desire even deeper intimacy with her. Thus, maintaining a cheerful independence with a life of your own gives you a “safe haven” to go to when (not if) a man begins to pull away from you. This safe haven will keep you engaged, busy, and happy in your own right, thus giving you the confidence you need to give your man the guilt-free space he needs to miss you and want you even more.