What to Do When He Wants to Be “Just Friends”

Lesson 10

When a guy tells you he just wants to be “friends”, you must force yourself to do two very important things:

1. Believe him, and…

2. If even remotely possible, cease all contact with him.

Brilliant right? But seriously, when a guy only wants to be “friends” with you, it simply means that he’s not THAT interested in you, which means it will be in your best interest to take him at his word and withdraw from him both physically and emotionally.

First of all, by believing him and accepting him at his word, you keep yourself from falling for his “confusing” behaviors. You see, after being rejected you might be in a pretty vulnerable state, and the last thing you need is to feel conflicted or confused about a guy because you didn’t fully accept his decision.

If you’re really hooked on a guy and you don’t believe him when he says, “let’s be friends”, you might fall into the trap of questioning his every interaction with you from that point on. You’ll find yourself desperately reading into every situation, searching for hidden signs of interest from him, even though you know deep down that it’s all in your head. Believing him at his word will keep you from thinking irrationally, and it will also keep you from arousing desire for a man who has already, and clearly, rejected you.

Secondly, by ceasing contact with him you make it very clear that you’re a high-value woman who has better things to do than chase a man. Never play the ugly game of Chase-a-Man, as the man in question will undoubtedly take full advantage of the situation.

Also, by not contacting him, you will make him question his decision to stop courting you, which is exactly the position you want him in IF you think there’s still a chance at having a relationship with this guy. There’s nothing that confuses us men more than a woman who, though she seemed so hooked on us at first, was quickly able to cut us off and get on with her life as if we were never that special to begin with. Even though we might have told her, “let’s just be friends”, if she doesn’t even put up a fight (by chasing us) we’ll immediately begin to wonder if she has other (and perhaps better) options out there. Every man wants to be THE better option. Thus, if he’s still interested in you, ceasing contact with him might trigger his attraction once more and compel him to pursue you.

Now, if a guy told you that he just wanted to be “friends” and left it at that, as you moved on with your life you would eventually come to terms with it. You would get the necessary closure if he simply let you be and never contacted you ever again. But chances are, he WILL contact you again. Instead of letting you get on with your life, he continues to entice you with flirtatious text messages, invitations to “chill” and “hangout” by his place, and longer-than-usual hugs that make your mind race with questions.

If any of those situations sound familiar, then you probably already know what he REALLY meant when he said, “let’s just be friends.” What he really meant to say was: “Let’s see if we can be friends…with benefits!”

The first type of “friends with benefits” situation is where a guy might simply be interested in a friendship that offers him your female companionship. In this sort of situation, he enjoys your company and the benefits you bring to a platonic friendship, but he’s just not romantically attracted to you enough to court you.

This situation is especially dangerous if you become too comfortable waiting for your guy friend to fall in love with you. You become comfortable because you’re not being pressured for casual physical intimacy and because you’re receiving some kind of emotional benefit from the “relationship.” Little do you realize, however, that you’ve become emotionally dependent on a man who will keep you perpetually friend-zoned for YEARS to come.

The second and probably more common of the “friends with benefits” situations is where a man is interested in the physical components of a romantic relationship, minus the responsibilities of a commitment. If a guy continues to lead you on and attempts to initiate physical intimacy even after telling you “let’s just be friends”, don’t allow yourself to think that he’s just “confused” about what he wants and that he needs you to convince him.

The intermittent tenderness and on-and-off interest of a highly desirable man is a powerful seduction tool that can make you addicted to chasing him for a commitment. Sadly, many women try to earn the devotion of such men by giving them exactly what they want in hopes that it will convince them to stick around. Don’t be like these women. Always be willing to walk away from a losing situation, as it will elevate your self-esteem and make you more attractive to the man who wants you just as much as you want him.

Believe me, if a man has expressed a desire to “just be friends” in any way, shape, or form, you’ll be much better off by taking him at his word and ensuring that his life remains absent of you.