How to Draw Him Closer to You Emotionally

Lesson 12

As I thoroughly explained in my book, The 7 Irresistible Qualities In A Woman, high-quality men LOVE IT when a woman knows how to let a man be what he was born to be…a MAN. In the chapter on Feminine Gracefulness, I discuss how it’s important for a woman to play the role of his “damsel-in-distress” every so often as a way to encourage her guy to be her “knight-in-shining-amour” so that he feels absolutely necessary in the relationship.

But along with being his “damsel in distress” every now and then, you might be wondering if it’s wise to verbally express to a man that his love and presence in your life is “necessary” to your happiness. You love having him around, and you know what you share with him is special, but you’re probably afraid of coming across too desperate or needy. And worse, you don’t want to scare the guy away just because you bared your heart to him.

Well, here’s the thing, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with letting a man know that his love and presence in your life makes you an even happier woman. We actually want to hear this from the woman we love, as it makes us feel very appreciated and necessary. Of course, we don’t want to feel as if we are SOLELY responsible for your happiness, but we love knowing that we’re important to it.

Now, when it comes to verbally expressing your need for the man in your life, my two reservations with being this open and vulnerable are:

1.Is he committed to you, already loves you, or has he at least displayed a consistent interest in you? And…

2.Does your expression come from a place of confident love or does it come from a place of anxiety and manic desperation?

Let’s address point number one first.

I think we can agree that telling your boyfriend of five months that he’s an important factor in your life is perfectly fine, but telling it to a guy you’ve only been dating for several weeks is romantic suicide. If a man doesn’t already love you, hasn’t committed to you, or hasn’t at least expressed a desire to commit to you, you might want to refrain from making him think that he’s absolutely necessary for you to be happy. While I agree that to love and be loved requires a lot of emotional risk, you don’t want to sabotage a blossoming romance by giving a man too much importance in your life if he hasn’t yet earned it.

Addressing point number two; you don’t want to confuse being vulnerable with being desperate. For example, if you’re spending quality time together with your boyfriend and you suddenly feel the urge to tell him how important he is to your happiness, go ahead and do so. You’re sharing a positive moment together already, so telling him this should only reinforce the emotional bond he shares with you. On the other hand, if your boyfriend is beginning to pull away from you emotionally (which can happen for a multitude of reasons), telling him that you “need him” to be happy might drive him away even further.

My point is, when a man loves you, wants you, and is already tuned-in to your needs, being vulnerable with him in this way is perfectly fine. Telling him that you need him and love having him around is best used as a way to reinforce the emotional connection you share with him. Don’t use it as a means to guilt-trip him into giving you more love or attention. And don’t use it as a way to gain his pity or to convince him to stay with you.

This NEVER works.

If telling him you “need him” is coming from a place of sincerity and heart-felt desire, then go ahead and do so. If telling him you “need him” stems from your fear of loss or desperation, you might be better off saying something else instead.

What matters most to men is the way a woman makes us feel. If you feel so confident in us that it compels you to tell us we are essential to your happiness, we will feed off of those emotions. And because those emotions stem from your confidence, we will feel more confident in our ability to make you happy. However, if your anxiety and fear of loss compels you to tell us that you need us and don’t want to lose us, again, we will feed off of those emotions. Only this time, we will actually feel less confident in our ability to make you happy, which will ultimately weaken our emotional connection to you. Read that again.

Of course, the argument could be made that if a guy pulls away from you because he doesn’t feel “needed” enough, telling him that you do “need him” could draw him back to you. But in most cases, I’d wager that expressing your need for a man is best reserved for those moments where your vulnerability can reinforce his emotional attraction to you. If you’ve been verbally expressing your appreciation AND giving him the opportunity to be your “knight-in-shining-armor” every so often, then I don’t see any reason why a man would lose interest or pull away because he felt “unnecessary” to you.