Should I Approach or Initiate Things with Men?

Lesson 20

Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with initiating things with a guy so long as you can do so with class and feminine subtlety. However, once you’ve done the subtle initiating, it’s usually in a woman’s best interest to take her foot off the pedal and let a man prove his interest through his leadership. Unfortunately, my observations have led me to believe that not all women possess the kind of principled-centered boundaries (when it comes to men at least) necessary for initiating things with a man. Instead of initiating then letting him prove himself, many women end up in a situation where they remain the aggressor/pursuer in the relationship, which is not the position a woman wants to be in if she wants assurance of a man’s love.

Some guys don’t mind being approached or even asked out, sure, but…I have a daughter, and because I want her to avoid as much heartbreak and nonsense as humanly possible, I would not encourage her to make a habit out of asking men out or even “taking the reins” in a relationship.

That being said, the one area in which a woman should “take the reins” in a blossoming romance is when it comes to creating emotional intimacy. As a woman, you have the power to capture a man’s heart simply by the way you illustrate your desire for his closeness and companionship. I’ve discussed this in my book, Never Chase Men Again, in point number ten, where I suggest that “once a man proves to be worth your love, cease any timidity in showing it by concentrating your efforts on escalating his emotional attachment to you.” Outside of proactively attempting to escalate a man’s emotional attachment to you, most of your efforts should focus on being receptive to his attention and desirous of his affections.

Truthfully, while this sort of advice may seem “old fashioned” to some women, I can guarantee you that it works on a very particular type of man. Which leads me to my next point…

Keep in mind that in all my books and newsletters I focus on a very specific type or quality of man – men who ENJOY being MEN, inside and outside of their romantic relationships. These are the kind of guys who, because of their masculine confidence and upbringing, PREFER it when a woman is easy-going but has firm boundaries. They also love it when a woman is romantically hesitant to give her all yet she still appears eager for a man’s intimacies. These types of men deeply ENJOY the PROCESS of seduction and courtship, and prefer it when a woman grants them the opportunity to win her…slowly.

So again, approaching men or initiating things is not an issue if:

(1) You can do so in a way that exudes femininity rather than masculine energy. (Learning how to socialize, start conversations, and flirt with men is an excellent place to start.)

(2) You have the inner confidence needed to call things off quickly when you realize you’ve just reeled in a dud.

(3) You have enough experience with men to KNOW when you’re dealing with a dud.

Remember, a man will display his sincere interest through his leadership or lack thereof. In the very beginning, it’s your job to make yourself as approachable as possible as you send out a few signals here and there that will give him the “ok” to “come and get you.” Then, once the chase is afoot and a relationship starts to blossom, it’s then up to you to cultivate emotional intimacy with him and “seduce” him into a commitment. He has his own part to play, and he’ll be much easier to manage if you let him do most of the initiating.