The #1 Dating Mistake to Avoid if You Want Marriage

Lesson 18

There’s a huge difference between being a woman who ends up as the on and off girlfriend for eight years without any prospect of getting married from being the girlfriend of two years who’s on her way to matrimonial bliss. The difference is as clear as day, of course. But what if I told you that the vast difference between these two situations had more to do with a simple difference in mindset between these two women.

Here’s the thing. There is a huge difference between what you might call “Mr. Right” from “Mr. Almost-Right.” The woman in the first scenario settled for Mr. Almost-Right while the latter determined that she would only settle for Mr. Right.

In the first scenario, the woman in question fell for a man who seemingly possessed all the qualities she loved and wanted in a man. He was tall, smart, handsome, successful, respected, romantic, and even compassionate to her needs. In fact, he really does enjoy being with her, but he’s either unwilling or incapable of marrying her. The woman in this scenario has either unknowingly or perhaps willingly, placed a lower price on her love and loyalty than the woman in the second scenario. And it is this indiscriminate pricing blunder that leads her to waste time on Mr. Almost-Right as she settles for being a perpetual girlfriend.

As you get to know the men you date, if you pay very close attention to what they say and how they respond to certain situations, you can tell whether or not they are marriage friendly. Even more so, as a relationship develops and grows over time, you can even tell whether or not they are marriage friendly towards you specifically.

Just because a man claims that he wants marriage someday doesn’t mean he wants it with you. This is something a woman can only learn with time, usually after several months or more of exclusive dating. However, it’s still easier to tell if a man’s attitude toward marriage is generally hostile pretty early in a courtship.

If you want that “forever love” from a man, that “to love and to cherish in sickness and in health, and to forego all others” type of love from a man, then you must be determined to cut your losses quickly once you realize the man you’re dating isn’t even remotely interested in the idea of marriage. If a woman insists on entertaining a man who seems like he might date her for five years and never marry her, then she shouldn’t be surprised if he dates her for five years or more and never marries her. Her malleable “I’ll date him anyway” standards will eventually be absorbed into his rigid “Marriage is for chumps” standards, and she will find herself confused and frustrated five years later wondering how could a man love her like he does but not want to marry her.

Which begs the question: Can a man truly “love” a woman but not want to marry her?

The answer: Yes. Yes, he can.

Unfortunately, it’s the misunderstanding of this one concept that leaves many perpetual girlfriends perpetually confused and frustrated. Just because a man loves you, has great chemistry with you, and makes you feel desired doesn’t mean he’s capable of offering you the kind of commitment you want. Mr. Almost-Right will appear almost perfect except for the fact that he doesn’t want what you want, which in this case is marriage. Don’t settle for Mr. Almost-Right.

So while I would discourage you from setting ridiculous or absurd standards for finding Mr. Right (such as wanting to marry a retired billionaire astronaut, part-time cave spelunker, and acclaimed Spanish guitarist), I do encourage you to ensure that your ideal Mr. Right is also Mr. Commitment Compatible. Assuming marriage is something you truly want, do not entertain men who appear hostile or dismissive towards marriage. If you choose to date such a man, for whatever reason, you may wake up several years later to find yourself deeply in love with a man who ultimately doesn’t want, and never wanted, the kind of commitment you truly desire.