Lesson 30
Dating at any age is difficult, but those of you over the age of forty-five, etc., know that dating can sometimes be even more difficult at times. This series will focus mainly on women within this demographic, as I’ve received many emails from women who wanted some insight on how finding a mate changes for women at these various ages and how they can best navigate the dating marketplace.
Basically, dating over forty-five can be difficult if you approach it in the same way a woman in her twenties or even thirties might. The key to finding love and getting the most out of your experiences with men is to adapt your dating strategy to the way men actually are as opposed to how you wish men were at this age.
During my research, I stumbled across an excellent article written by Duana Welch, social researcher and author of the book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, on this exact subject. Not surprisingly, her article summarizes some of the most effective dating ideas expressed in her book. What I also loved about the article is that it basically confirms and summarizes most of what I’ve also found to be the best dating advice for women in this demographic who are hoping to find love.
While these series of lessons focus on some of her ideas, I’ve expanded much upon them based on the sum of research I’ve collected on this very subject (as well as the insights I bring to it as a man obviously). I’ve linked to the article at the end of this lesson, so feel free to check it out after perusing through the ideas shared here.
For simplicity sake, I’ve presented each lesson in this series as a kind of “Q & A” based on some of the most common struggles women in this demographic ask concerning men and dating. Lastly, once the series is complete, you’ll easily be able to access each of the lessons below.
- Lesson 1: I rarely meet any men I’m interested in.
- Lesson 2: Men disappear after a few dates or even after a few short months of dating.
- Lesson 3: Men in my age bracket seem to only date younger (much younger) women.
- Lesson 4: I rarely meet any single and attractive men my own age.
- Lesson 5: I feel like giving up on dating entirely.
It is my sincere hope that you find these lessons useful, no matter your age or where you presently are along your dating journey. So without further ado, let’s dive in to today’s lesson, shall we?
***
Problem: Men in my age bracket seem to only date younger (much younger) women.
Men, as they get older, don’t find it absolutely necessary to date women their own age. Notice I didn’t say that these men won’t or don’t date women their own age, it’s just that as some men age they prioritize dating women much younger than themselves because in their eyes, this is the best deal they can get. These men generally think this way because they have no qualms about trading their status and success (that they’ve achieved throughout the years) for access to feminine youth and beauty.
The female counterpart to this is that women prioritize dating high-status and financially successful men over those who are seemingly “lower” on the socioeconomic totem pole, as this is simply them focusing on the best deal they can possibly get. Therefore, if we’re all being radically honest here, under the guise of “love” and “romance”, the dating and mating game is all about trying to secure the best deal (mate) possible.
In a nutshell, what this means is that most men tend to date women who are at least a few years younger than themselves (around three or four). While this is the average age gap that many men find desirable, you can expect this age gap to increase in relation to a man’s age and his desirability in the dating marketplace. In other words, the more successful and attractive a man is at fifty plus years of age, the more opportunities he has to date women who are much younger than himself (ten years and more).
The difficulty for many highly intelligent, successful, and accomplished women in this regard, is that the superior selection of men that they want to date often prefer and pursue women much younger than themselves. This greatly narrows the choice of men for women in this demographic, which makes it difficult to find suitable partners worth dating.
That being said, there are a number of men out there that also prefer dating older women (mostly three to four years older, but sometimes more). While this group of men do not make up the majority, they’re still worth noting, since the right woman in the right setting might find herself being approached by love-smitten men much younger than herself. Still, I’m not fully convinced that this is something most women over forty-five want to experience, as dating a much younger man comes with its own unique challenges.
Also, if marriage is your goal, focusing your energy on attracting younger men might not be the wisest long-term dating strategy unless you are already getting attention from them. Some women in this age group, due to their highly feminine natures, matured sense of self, and exceptionally well-maintained figures, will find themselves being approached by younger men more often than not, without any effort on their part. If this is not currently your reality, it might be unwise to channel your energy in this direction, especially if dating a younger man isn’t something your heart is absolutely set on.
Now, if you usually find that the men you most want to date often want to date younger women, don’t get discouraged. While this dating dilemma does pose some difficulty, the game is not lost for you if you’re willing to think outside the box a bit and apply the solutions presented below.
Solution #1: Be the younger woman by dating men older than you.
Remember, in terms of what each sex brings to the table, men trade status and success for a woman’s youth and beauty. That being said, youth and beauty is relative to the man perceiving them, hence the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” If your “beholder” is five to ten years your senior, in his eyes you are a sprightly specimen of a woman that he can’t wait to get his hands on and his arms around.
Interestingly, as stated in her article, Duana Welch suggests that it would be best if women over sixty focused their efforts on meeting and dating men at least ten years their senior. Her suggestions are based on her own experiences as well as science-backed research and studies into what makes men and women choose each other for love at various stages of their lives. She states that women over sixty shouldn’t be so quick to write-off a man just because he’s much older than herself and not expect men to do the same.
So with this in mind, try to be open to the idea and give it a test run. Again, you might be surprised at the results if you’re willing to try something different in your efforts to find a high-quality man worthy of your love.
Solution #2: Maximize your natural beauty and youthful luster.
I think it goes without saying that the first thing a man notices about a woman is her physical appearance. Your feminine beauty is the first thing that captures a man’s attention and effortlessly draws him towards you. This will be common sense for most of you, but just to be thorough, here are a few quick insights and tips to ensure that you don’t sell yourself short with men when it comes to first impressions:
1. If you already have long hair, keep it long. No matter what the latest magazine or female celebrity would have you believe, men still generally prefer longer hair over short. “Long” meaning shoulder length or longer. When it comes to her physical beauty, the two things that catches a man’s attention first and foremost is a woman’s hair and her level of fitness. Hair is a sign of youth, health, and thus, fertility, and men are attracted to “youthfulness” in all its varieties. So, while your girlfriends may be begging you to get a pixie cut that matches their own…don’t. Most of the time, what women find attractive and “cute” among themselves rarely gets any attention from the men they so desire. With that said, if your hair is already short or can’t be grown out, simply work with what you have. While long hair on a woman for most men is preferred, men have learned to adapt to the trends of beauty and many simply see long hair as a plus. What this means is that you’re not “out of the running” if your hair isn’t already long. Remember, everything I write is to help you maximize your dating potential. Short hair isn’t a deal breaker for all men (especially if you’re fit and very feminine in your demeanor), so don’t despair if your hair isn’t long. Which leads me to my next point, which is to…
2. Stay in reasonably good shape. This goes without saying, and I won’t insult your intelligence by saying “your shape or figure doesn’t matter to a man.” It does, but only to a certain extent. As men age, their tastes also change, as do their expectations. This means that you don’t have to kill yourself on a treadmill just to attract a man or compete with a younger woman. You can’t. Just avoid as much excess weight as you can and strive to be the exceptional woman among your peers. We all know that habitual exercise and healthy eating promotes radiant skin, hair, and nails and also provides more energy, thus allowing us to maintain our youthful luster as we age.
Over the years of studying love dynamics between the genders, I’ve come to realize that few women really understand how easy it is for a man to be bewitched by a woman’s appearance, regardless of her age. I repeat: Regardless of her age. Remember, assuming she takes good care of herself, even a much younger man will find an older woman very attractive. With this in mind, I’m sure we can agree that your potential to stun men into mouth-gaping, silent stares and amorous adoration is directly related to how well you take care of yourself. This is good news because, for the most part, female beauty is very malleable and thus, controllable. So be sure not to neglect its importance, no matter your age.
3. Resist the urge to overcompensate. If you honestly don’t need plastic surgery and Botox, don’t do it. If you can accomplish it naturally, focus on going that route instead. Again, there’s no need to go into debt or kill yourself in the process of trying to look younger. Men love a woman’s natural beauty, and a little makeup in the right places can go a long way at highlighting your most breathtaking features. Again, work with what God gave you. So, while you shouldn’t give up on looking drop dead gorgeous just because of your age, don’t ever think that you have to go under the knife or shell out thousands of dollars just to attract a good man.
4. Don’t worry, be happy. I know we touched on this in the last lesson about femininity, but I thought I would mention it here again because of how important this quality is to men. A cheerful woman is a true treasure, and if she’s honest, unselfish, and kind as well, she’s essentially “wife material” in the eyes of men. Interestingly, based on the late Thomas J. Stanley’s bestselling book, The Millionaire Mind, many millionaire and multimillionaire men stated that “Cheerfulness” was one of the top five qualities that initially interested them in their potential spouses. It would seem that men with high-income earning potential preferred spending their lives with women who were more likely to be pleasant company more often than not. Food for thought.
But what makes cheerfulness really special is that it can make you appear energetic and much younger than you really are. Now, keep in mind that being cheerful doesn’t mean you have to act like an immature high-school girl or like some stereotypical airhead college sophomore. You can be cheerful and sophisticated all at once, as being cheerful is an attitude and not some false persona that you only wear around men.
I think we can all admit that everyone loves a cheerful person. Everyone wants to be around the woman who doesn’t let the ups and downs of life damper her mood. Developing a more cheerful demeanor will make you irresistible in every area of your life, but it will make you especially irresistible to mature, relationship-minded men.
Two great examples of what men might consider as fun and sophisticated “cheerful gals” are Rosanna Scotto (age 60) and Lori Stokes (age 56), the two female news anchors for, Good Day New York. Granted, while being warm and cheerful is a part of their job, I still think they’re great examples of beautiful women over fifty who command respect but still know how to have a good time at whatever they’re doing.
***
I hope you enjoyed today’s lesson and were able to take something useful away from it. In the next lesson in this short series, we’ll focus on how you can meet and attract more attention from the men you want. In that lesson, I’ll present you with some actionable ideas on how you can habitually place yourself in environments and situations where meeting single, masculine, and mature men is inevitable.
Article Referenced: