Lesson 31
Dating at any age is difficult, but those of you over the age of forty-five, etc., know that dating can sometimes be even more difficult at times. This series will focus mainly on women within this demographic, as I’ve received many emails from women who wanted some insight on how finding a mate changes for women at these various ages and how they can best navigate the dating marketplace.
Basically, dating over forty-five can be difficult if you approach it in the same way a woman in her twenties or even thirties might. The key to finding love and getting the most out of your experiences with men is to adapt your dating strategy to the way men actually are as opposed to how you wish men were at this age.
During my research, I stumbled across an excellent article written by Duana Welch, social researcher and author of the book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, on this exact subject. Not surprisingly, her article summarizes some of the most effective dating ideas expressed in her book. What I also loved about the article is that it basically confirms and summarizes most of what I’ve also found to be the best dating advice for women in this demographic who are hoping to find love.
While these series of lessons focus on some of her ideas, I’ve expanded much upon them based on the sum of research I’ve collected on this very subject (as well as the insights I bring to it as a man obviously). I’ve linked to the article at the end of this lesson, so feel free to check it out after perusing through the ideas shared here.
For simplicity sake, I’ve presented each lesson in this series as a kind of “Q & A” based on some of the most common struggles women in this demographic ask concerning men and dating. Lastly, once the series is complete, you’ll easily be able to access each of the lessons below.
- Lesson 1: I rarely meet any men I’m interested in.
- Lesson 2: Men disappear after a few dates or even after a few short months of dating.
- Lesson 3: Men in my age bracket seem to only date younger (much younger) women.
- Lesson 4: I rarely meet any single and attractive men my own age.
- Lesson 5: I feel like giving up on dating entirely.
It is my sincere hope that you find these lessons useful, no matter your age or where you presently are along your dating journey. So without further ado, let’s dive in to today’s lesson, shall we?
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Problem: I rarely meet any single and attractive men my own age.
Life gets busier the older we get, and even more so, we become very set in our ways. It often feels cumbersome and admittedly annoying to try new things the older we get, but without doing so, change is often impossible. Although I can empathize with this, the simple fact of the matter is that if you’re not regularly meeting eligible men that spark your interest, you’re probably not spending enough time in the places where these men habitually congregate. And even if you are, you might not be proactively trying to “pick men up”.
Solution: #1: Utilize your social network.
It’s time to get humble and give up any feelings of shame or embarrassment that might be holding you back from asking for help when it comes to meeting Mr. Right. Start off by being vulnerable with your family and friends and let them know that you are interested in dating a man of high-character and good standing. Be honest with them about your wants in terms of what you’re looking for in a man and in a relationship and tell them that you’re open to being introduced to or “set up” with men that they approve of. Don’t be afraid to be open and honest with your family and friends, because there’s always a chance that they might know a great guy who’s been looking for a woman like you for quite some time.
Maximizing the use of your social circle is a powerful strategy because it gives you access to men you don’t already know and might not have ever met if you hadn’t been introduced to them. The other benefit to using your social circle is that, assuming your family and friends actually like you and want the best for you, they’ll act as “pre-vetting” middlemen to ensure that the guys they introduce you to are actually worth your time. Yes, not everyone in your social circle will know the difference between a Prince Charming and a bullfrog, but as long as you stay optimistic and open to the process, you might eventually stumble across a guy who’s just perfect for you.
Again, inform everyone you know (and trust) that you’re ready to meet Mr. Right and that you’re open to meeting guys they know and like. Chances are, your sister, cousin, coworker, mom (oh boy!), or close friends have been dying to set you up with someone they know, but they might have been hesitant to do so without your blessing. Go ahead and give them the “okay”. Don’t be shy or timid about fully utilizing your social network, especially if you’ve already tried online dating and you’re way too busy to go out to meet guys on your own. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results you get all from asking for a little help.
Solution #2: Go where the men are…consistently.
Unfortunately, there is no secret sauce or magic pill to meeting more relationship-minded men. The only way to meet the kinds of men you find attractive and interesting is to consistently place yourself in their natural habitats, whether it’s online or in-person. While online dating is a great way to meet guys your age (see Lesson 16 below), you should also consider male-friendly venues and environments such as social clubs, churches, sporting communities, classy bars and lounges, charitable organizations, trade organizations, ongoing education organizations, outdoor community events, etc., just to name a few.
Of course, it’s important to keep in mind that in order to meet the kinds of men you want to meet you have to be willing to actually go out and meet them where they are, not where you hope to find them.
I’ve discussed this very subject in several past lessons, so I’ll just link to them here:
Lesson 6: How to Meet More High-Quality Men
Lesson 16: “What Do Men Really Want?” …A Mischievous Little Dating Experiment Gone Right
Lesson 19: How to Tell if He Likes You or if He’s Just Being Friendly
The key to success with meeting more eligible men is to ensure that you consistently motivate yourself to do so. The goals we achieve are a matter of the priority we place on them. The energy we give to something follows the attention we place on it. Therefore, if you want to meet more eligible men your age, you need to figure out where they congregate and ensure that you make your presence known to them…consistently.
Solution #3: Make your presence known.
I’ve discussed a myriad of man-attracting tactics in my book, Send Him A Signal, but there’s simply nothing more attention-grabbing than making eye contact, smiling, and touching yourself in a flirtatious way (which I discussed in a previous lesson). That being said, another classy and insanely effective “man-catching” technique is to simply ask men for advice. At the risk of annoying you, I’m going to repeat that sentence: Another classy and insanely effective “man-catching” technique is to simply ask men for advice.
Listen, single men are always looking for any reason to talk to a woman without looking like a desperate creep or sexual predator (especially in today’s male hostile climate). Yes, even an older man, if he’s very attracted to you, might be fearful about being rejected or worse. Chances are, the more he likes you the more terrified he is about being rejected. The easiest way to encourage a romantic encounter with a man that can possibly lead to him asking you out is to take the initiative by asking for his help.
Seriously, if you take absolutely nothing else from this lesson, please at least internalize this solution and apply it consistently with the men you come across. It’s that effective. And yes, you can thank me later.
Lastly, take going out to where the men are and acquainting yourself with them very seriously. Place the kind of focus on it as you would any other important goal. Make it measurable and make it habitual. By frequently visiting places where guys congregate you will give interested men an opportunity to get comfortable with your presence, which might eventually embolden them to approach you.
(Out of all the lessons in this series, this one might be the most actionable. Make a commitment to yourself to follow through on some of the actionable ideas shared here. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Do something today, right now if you can. Maybe you need to sign up for online dating (start with Match.com and eHarmony.com) or revamp your profile. Maybe you need to get your family and friends involved in your search for Mr. Right, or maybe you just need to finally approach the men you already know and like and ask for their help (or simply flirt with them from a distance). Whatever it is, do something today. Trust me, your future self will be thankful that you did.)
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I hope you enjoyed today’s lesson and were able to take something useful away from it. In the next lesson in this short series, I’ll touch on the overwhelm and lack of motivation some women struggle with because of their age and how to overcome it. In that final lesson, I discuss the importance of maintaining a positive attitude towards men and dating, and how you can consistently motivate yourself to go out and find the love you want.
Article Referenced: